In this article I will tell you about our mistakes and how to avoid them if you want to sign a prenup and not spoil relationships.
I believe that the prenuptial agreement can not be considered a business transaction or legal formality, so it will not be referred to laws and figures. I'll tell you how we signed the contract and what I'm thinking about it.
Marriage contracts in Russia and the USA
The prenuptial agreement and in Russia, and in the United States determines how spouses property is divided when the marriage is terminated by divorce. In both countries, the court is guided first by the prenuptial agreement and only then by the law.
The contract itself should be legal: written and signed in the presence of a notary public. In the U.S., you have to meet a few more requirements, which are discussed in the article. Some terms of my American contract can be applied in Russia without additions and changes.
In the United States, partners are not prohibited in the marriage contract beds for treason and distribute household responsibilities. However, there is a risk that the notary will not guarantee such an agreement, and the court will not recognize these terms legitimately. Despite the fact that the laws in each state are somewhat different, none is written in an official document, which is considered treated and from the wash courts. Prenuptial agreement laws only regulate the finances of partners.
No one in Russia, nor in the United States, can not be included in the prenuptial agreement on the care and financial support of the child after the divorce. These issues decide the court, as they concern the rights of the child, not parents. The only exception from the United States is the staff of Connecticut, but even in its laws says that the court can change the conditions of financial support for the child.
In contrast to the vivid opinion in Russia, the first prenuptial agreements are rarely signed in the U.S., because young people marry in the same financial position. Partners have no significant assets, but there may be a lot of debt for college tuition. More often signed prenuptial agreements those who remarry after divorce.
How the groom offers me to sign a prenuptial agreement
Before the wedding we were acquainted with Dan for five years. I only learned about the groom's financial situation after he asked me to sign the prenuptial agreement. He did it the next day after the proposal of the hand and hearts. I remember this moment as nothing less than a romantic proposal to become his wife. True emotions caused completely opposite.
It was difficult for me to even discuss the contract, because for that you need to think about divorce before the wedding and talk a lot about money. Before the wedding, I wanted to choose a dress and flowers, not a lawyer.
It was too hard to talk about money. I grew up in a family where this question was rarely discussed. Dad makes money, and mom was involved with the house and in the kids. If the money was needed, they appeared. I didn't know how to save. It seemed that I discuss financial problems, ask for a salary increase or admit that I lack money.
In general, the process of signing the prenup was painful for me.
At the same time, the prenuptial agreement was a requirement for our marriage. "We can't get married unless you sign the prenup," fiance said. It was difficult for me to take such an approach, and Dan seemed like it was just a formality.
The situation where the prenuptial agreement suggests signing a partner who has more money – that is, who has something to protect, is often found. This is how it turned out. With the help of the DAN agreement, I wanted to protect the family assets, your future salary and investment income. At that moment I had 500 US dollars on expenses, a ten-year Ford focus and a loan in the Russian bank, after which 100 thousand rubles remained.
Errors to a conversation about the contract
Even before the first conversation about the prenup, Dan and I I made several mistakes. Maybe because of them I seriously took the news about the need to sign a contract.
We've never talked openly about money. Before I moved to the U.S., I lived in Moscow and gained enough to rent an apartment to rent and travel. Nothing saved, but felt financially stable.
After I was moved to the U.S., I studied on the health care of a master's and worked part-time at the university. Salary 1000 $ (64 000 R) was twice lower than my income in Moscow.
We agreed with Dan that I buy products for us for us, and he pays everything else. salary, I barely had enough for our food and my personal expenses: Telephone, car insurance, gasoline, clothing, cosmetics and entertainment. I didn't give this Dan, but it made me nervous and angry.
Only two years after the wedding I told my husband that I found it difficult to talk about money. We started discussing how to make these necessary conversations happen for both of us.
How best. Do not silence financial difficulties. To ask where the partner has money, and share his experiences at the finance.
If we talk about money hard, you can not talk in face to face, but by phone or write. Now we most often talk about money by mail or through the messenger. This allows me to speak more openly and reduce emotional tension.
Groom suggested signing the contract immediately after engagement. It was a romantic vacation. Dan made me an offer at a remote cabin in Montana woods. The next day we went hiking and in the evening he asked, "We signed a prenuptial agreement, yes?"
From this question I felt uncomfortable and wanted to cry. We talked for about five minutes – I couldn't help it. All that was somehow immediately overshadowed, I felt uncertainty in our relationship: after all, we just decided to get married, and we are talking about divorce.
How best. Talk about the prenup with the hand and heart proposal so it doesn't look like extortion. Maybe it will make the commitment less romantic. But it seems to me that it is better than talking about the contract immediately after the decision to get married.
A conversation can start any partner, regardless of whether they even want to sign a contract or not. Such a conversation can lead to a discussion of other important financial moments – for example, payments on the mortgage for the home the wife bought before the wedding. It is not necessary to discuss the details as if you have already been decided to get married, you can just agree to enter into a contract when it comes to the wedding.
First draft agreement
We worked on the contract immediately after returning from the trip. Dan brought me a printed draft. After reading I was horrified and understood that I had not understood and half – the text was written by a convoluted legal language.
The essence of the contract, as Dan explained to me, was reduced to the idea "with what came with it, and left."Such a position is different from the laws in the state of Idaho where we would be married.
In Idaho, anything earned and purchased after the spouse is married, it belongs to both and if divorced in half. It also applies to debts. This approach is called community property – community property, and only nine states out of fifty are practiced.
In the remaining states of the United States, the common law property approach is what is purchased in marriage by one partner, it belongs to. For example, I bought a wife a car and registered it only for me – after a divorce, after a divorce, she gets a car, and a husband can not claim compensation. But if the wife paid for the car with money from a joint bank account behind the car, the car is common.
When spouses sign a prenuptial agreement, they establish their "laws" that will act in all states.
Lawyers
My husband had a lawyer but he could not advise us both ways. Our lawyers should work in different offices to maintain independence. I did not understand anything in the choice of lawyers, so I asked the advice of his lawyer attorney.
Our 2014 attorneys cost $250 (16,000 p) per hour. For me it was a huge amount, so mine, and his lawyer paid Dan. This is not perfect, as it can create an unequal situation: one partner they pay for depends on the other.
But I could not pay the lawyer independently, so I agreed.
Questions about the draft contract
I went to the first meeting with an attorney with a list of questions and comments about the draft. Here are the moments that cause me the most questions.
Will there be a contract in another country? I am a Russian citizen, and we can not live in the United States for some time. I asked if the contract would work in another country.
Turns out the contract most likely does not work outside of America.
Why contractual only in English? I know English well, but not at the level of complex legal formulations. I suggested to sign it in Russian as well. My lawyer Robert interpreted me in Russian due to the complexity of translation and uncertainty in the contract in another country. I agreed: why spend time and money on the translation of the document, when in Russia I still can not use them.
I did not have a translation of the contract in Russian, and I asked a lawyer many questions about the terms and wording. This is one of the reasons I spent more time with a lawyer than my husband.
Will we be spending joint money on the property of one of the spouses? The contract was the points that spouses can use total money to pay taxes, insurance and interest in loans to the property to one of them. It seemed unfair to me. For example, if the husband buys a house in a ski resort, why should my income be treated from his property?
Robert recommended agreeing on this point with each other first, and then he will help translate our agreements into legal language. Such a board surprised me. I used to think that the lawyer always gave clear answers to questions. It turned out that there are gray areas in the marriage agreement, on them future spouses should make to their own decisions.
As a result, the condition about spending the joint money is discussed with DAN by email and decided to go in the contract.
How we will share the forward-looking income? I was afraid to sign the contract and discuss about it. Therefore, I asked a lawyer if it is possible to sign a contract in which we include only the assets of the groom's family, and in a few years after the wedding also add the terms of our personal financing, debts and future earnings.
I wanted to include this agreement in the application. However, the attorney said it was difficult to "agree to an agreement," the parties may incompletely understand the terms of the agreements. Later, it may be impossible to convince your partner to sign what he promised two years ago. And the Court will not be able to force the partner to do so on the basis of the agreement contract.
I was upset by a lawyer's response: I was hoping that such a way to delay the final signing of the contract would work. But in the end I listened to Robert.
It is difficult, but in the prenuptial agreement you must prescribe everything, including the situation related to the possible death of partners. Next, spouses can cancel the contract or create applications with additional terms and conditions. However, at the time of signing the contract must be exhaustive.
Processing to the contract
The main edits in the contract were about my financial situation if I don't work for some time during our marriage. We have assumed that such a situation is possible due to the birth of children and frequent movements due to her husband's work.
This is what I finally contributed to the contract:
- In the case of divorce, the husband pays compensation if I do not work or work part time.
- We shift part of our salaries in the total budget if we both work. If only husband works, he makes more money for budget and highlights money for my personal expenses.
Before we meet with lawyers, we have already discussed divorce with Dan scenario in a situation when I cannot earn money. But in the contract anyway, for some reason was planted a condition that seemed to me incomprehensible and controversial. In the first draft in case of divorce I would receive 60% of total income on salary certificates over the years of marriage. However, this amount could not exceed 20% of DAN's earnings.
It was assumed that Dan would earn significantly more than me. Mirror condition that DAN will be without work is missing.
Dan stated his attorney did not advise him at all to include such a condition in the contract: It may pose financial risk to him and leave the loopholes for the court to. Every lawyer protects his client. This is why it is important to have two independent attorneys and read the contract carefully.
The final version of the contract included the wording I was offered, and my attorney. In the case of Divorce, Dan pays 6.25% of his salary for all months I worked less than 40 hours per week and 12.5% for months when I didn't work at all. There is no mirror state for my husband in the contract. Now I think it would be fair to capitalize it.
The first version of the contract said that her husband's and wife's salaries were not customary. Me and my lawyer seemed important to discuss issues of joint expenses if I do not work or would earn significantly less husband. It is difficult to discuss the terms when only you carry out a common budget and live together, but we have tried.
As a result, we agreed on the following. If we are both working, both are contributing a minimum of 35% of your after-tax salary to a joint account on. From this amount we pay for products, medicines, household goods, minor repairs in the house, the cost of a child. When I am not working, the husband contributes 50% of the salary to the joint account and lists 12.5% to my account on my personal expenses.
Mistakes in the preparation of the contract
While preparing the prenup, we also made many mistakes. Here are some of them.
The first draft of the contract was a typical sample. I was upset with this version of the contract. It did not take into account the characteristics of our financial situation, did not contain any conditions in case neither spouse would not work for a while after the birth of a child, and was written by the language I understood with difficulty . Now I see that it was our mistake. Before you go to lawyers, we did not discuss the contract terms that are important to us. The lawyer couldn't come with himself for us, so we got a typical sample.
Dan handed me a draft without explanation and discussion. And I did not find enough courage to ask him immediately to explain important items.
How best. Create your version according to the sample and write the highlights of the wrong language so that the contract can discuss easier. If the initiator of the contract is only a partner, it certainly has ideas that should be in the document. It will be useful if the initiator is a short but understandable document for his partner with the conditions that are important for it. Additional attorneys can add the required formal details.
I would have helped if we read and discussed the draft together and did not go to lawyers right away. It would reduce the number of hours working with them, and we would spend less money.
One of the partners didn't have money for his lawyer. The fact that one of the partners pays for all of the attorneys may limit the time to work with a lawyer with a lawyer and put a person who has no money for the dependent situation. It did not affect me: I decided that I would work with a lawyer as much as I needed to understand in all the particulars and terms of the contract. Dan supported my decision.
How best. Discuss the possibility of a contract in advance that both partners can find money for a lawyer. Now if I understand the process of signing a prenuptial agreement, I would be better off postponing the wedding or saving on it, but I would pay for my attorney myself.
Final version of the contract
A month and a half has passed from the time you started working on the contract before signing it. The work of my lawyer was worth 1500 dollars (R 96 000). The man's attorney cost less because he only met with him a few times. Our wedding took place a few months after we signed a prenuptial agreement.
The contract was signed in the presence of two notaries – one for each part.
The requirement for the legitimate prenuptial agreement is an honest history of all assets and obligations. They are listed in the appendix of the contract. For these purposes you can hire an appraiser. We didn't have that many assets to save, in the subject of the contract we turned down the appraiser.
The agreement may not include terms for guardianship and child financial support, but it is possible to include a consent agreement to avoid going to court if he is still having trouble in the property department. Our contract states that we turn first to the mediator – a person who resolves disputes between people without a trial. Its services can cost a cheaper lawyer, as the intermediary can be alone, and lawyers in the US necessarily need two. The purpose of the mediator is to help each of the parties. It will help save time on tricks and money and resolve the conflict favorably for both parties.
I downloaded the final version of our contract in Google documents.
Since the contract now affects our lives
While we do not divorce, they would not be called to the contract. My husband is studying in order, and after the birth of the son I work for an incomplete day. Therefore, our joint income is sufficient for daily expenses.
We do not follow the distribution of income that is written in the contract, as there is nothing to distribute. Both salaries fall into a general bank account. We also have personal credit cards for which we do not accumulate debt.
The policy makes me think more about your financial security. Our son is 2.5 years old. For five years in the U.S., we were moved three times. This is why I had a hard time finding a permanent job for a whole day. Thoughts about money still cause a great alarm.
When writing an article, I learn some contract items and reviewed the documents that can be useful to confirm our income. Payments in our contract are based on W-2 forms that specify salary. These forms send an employer each year, so the employee includes them in the tax return. I keep copies of these documents for the years of our life together so that they were at hand if necessary. Someone may seem odd, but after signing the prenuptial agreement, it doesn't seem that way: This is a concern for himself and his future.
If you decide to use the prenuptial agreement
- Start the conversation about money long before the prenup discussion. Explain why it's important for you to sign the contract.
- Make a short document in human language for yourself and only then go to lawyers. The prenuptial agreement is primarily an agreement between partners and only then – legal niceties.
- Hire attorneys and highlight time and money to consult with them.
- Participate in discussing the terms of the contract so as not to miss important details – they can seriously affect your life in a few years.